A VERY UNMERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU - Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 135

Mr. Meany encounters Butternut Squash, protector of public decency, in what may very well be our weirdest episode ever. You better stay on Butternut's good side, or she'll repress you... and regress you!

If you enjoyed this cartoon, don't forget to spank that Youtube like button. It's been a naughty little like button! Oh, yes it has...

TRANSCRIPT:

Mr. Meany: Hello again, folks. On today's show I'm going to share one of my favorite weird sex fetishes with you: skanky ladies with big bushy armpit hair!

Butternut Squash: Stop right there, you naughty man!

Mr. Meany: What? Who the hell are you?

Butternut Squash: I'm Butternut Squash, protector of public decency.

Mr. Meany: Well Butternut, if you don't mind, I'm right in the middle of making a perverted cartoon, here.

Butternut Squash: Such filth shouldn't be allowed, and I'm gonna put a stop to it right now.

Mr. Meany: Listen baby, I'm a horny, virile man-skank, and no upitty little dame is ever gonna tell me what to do.

Butternut Squash: Oh, really? Well, let's see what you say after I unbirth you in my purification pouch.

Mr. Meany: What?

(She abruptly swallows him, and he lands inside her belly.)

Mr. Meany: Hey. Where am I?

Butternut Squash: Happy unbirth day to you, Mr. Meany!

(INTRO CARD: "What are the strange origins of Butternut Squash's unbirthing abilities?")

Butternut Squash: You see, I've always been a clean and virtuous girl. Whenever Satan tempted me with fantasies about hairy Italian guys with great big floppy man parts, I would drive them from my mind by listening to Pat Boone records for hours. But as the years passed, the wicked lust grew stronger, and I began to have excruciating belly cramps. Finally I went to see a gastroenterologist. But when Doctor Wendelstein asked me to open wide... he fell in. Some strange instinct told me to scrunch up my belly muscles as hard as I could. Soon I squeezed out Doctor Wendellstein, but when he emerged... He'd been completely transformed into a cute little cartoon rabbit. That was how I learned my agonizing belly cramps were really a gift from God. I could swallow wicked sinners, and use the mighty spasmodic power of my guts to squash, stretch and reform them.

(Back to Mr. Meany inside Butternut's belly.)

Butternut Squash: Your transformation's begun, and I'm sanitizing your body and soul. Soon you'll be a cute, wholesome little girl, forever and ever.

(Phone rings.)

Mr. Meany: What? That sounds like somebody calling me on the Xtranormal video phone.

Butternut Squash: Well, make it quick. I don't like to be interrupted during the emasculization process.

Mr. Meany: Hello, who is this?

Sweetie (on videophone): Hey Meany. You've been gone a few hours, so I figured you probably need me to come rescue you again.

Mr. Meany: Sweety, help me. I'm trapped inside the belly of a crazy lady, and she's gonna squash me until I turn into a little girl.

Sweetie: Great. So you've gotten yourself into another Freudian nightmare. You know, I got shit to do today, and I can't always just drop everything and rescue you from some weird bitch's abdominal prison.

Mr. Meany: But Sweetie...

Sweetie: There's a big shoe sale downtown, but then I'll drop by to rescue you around six-ish.

(She hangs up.)

Mr. Meany: Oh (censored.)

Butternut Squash: And now Mr. Meany, I'm gonna squeeze all the sin out of you.

(Butternut sings an Unbirthday song as she transforms him.)

Butternut Squash: I will catch you, and I'll stretch you, this is your Unbirthday. I will seize you, and I'll squeeze you, this is your Unbirth day. I will take you, and remake you, this is your Unbirthday. I will hold you, and I'll mold you, this is your Unbirthday!

(CARD: Several hours of unbirthing later...)

Butternut Squash (to her swollen belly): Soon you'll be a perfect little lady, Mr, Meany.

Sweetie: Stop right there, you twisted abdominatrix! You're gonna let Meany go, right now!

Butternut Squash: There's nothing that could make me release him now.

Sweetie: Oh, really? Well, did he happen to tell you he's infected with a severe case of digital syphilis? (To camera:) There's a little callback for our longtime viewers!

Butternut Squash: Oh, no... (To her belly:) Get out of me right now, you wretched sinner!

(She coughs Mr. Meany up. His transformation not quite complete, he is now a sort of ghoulish dwarf girl dressed in a frilly, bloodied dress.)

Mr. Meany: Great. I'm a zombie midget Honey Boo Boo.

Butternut Squash: I can feel his wickedness spreading through my system.

Sweetie: It's like they say. You are what you eat.

(Butternut Squash transforms into a cute skank.)

Butternut Squash: Oh, god damn it. Now I'm just a cheap nympho floozy. Oh well, I guess I'll go give handjobs to sailors.

Sweetie (Gesturing toward Mr. Meany): And what about the little lady over here?

Butternut Squash: His transformation wasn't finished, so he ought to expand back to normal in a few weeks.

Mr. Meany: I can't be stuck as some freaky little dwarf girl for weeks!

Sweetie: Don't worry. I bet you'll look super-adorable after we clean you up. (Getting into it:) And of course you'll need a pretty pink dress... And pigtails!

Mr. Meany: Oh, god damn it.

Sweetie: Listen little missy, don't talk back to your Auntie Sweetie!

MONSTER-DONG 3000! - Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 134

A conversation with a sexy banner ad lady leads to Mr. Meany experimenting with a topical "male enhancement" product. Things go about as well as you'd expect. This is either our funniest episode so far, or our stupidest... It's definitely our naughtiest. Jesus, this one is some naughty business.

If you enjoy this cartoon, please favorite it, share it, and smack that Youtube like button upside the head.

NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT:

Mr. Meany: Hello again, folks. On today's show...

Banner Ad: Hey, honey.

Mr. Meany: Oh, Jesus. It's another one of these annoying Youtube banner ads. We already had an exterminator spray the place, but these damn things keep coming back.

Banner Ad: You look like a sexy, sophisticated, 34-55 year old gentleman in the prime of his demographic life!

Mr. Meany: Go away, sleazy banner ad lady. I'm far too clever to fall for your tricks.

Banner Ad: Are you lonesome tonight?

Mr. Meany: No... Well, maybe a little. I mean... Yes, very much so. Sweetie went out on another date with some nasty rocker boy in skinny jeans. What does he have that I don't, aside from a cool haircut, minty fresh breath and sex appeal?

Banner Ad: Well, maybe he's got a certain something extra. You know... down there. If you want to compete, you've got to have what a girl wants, and a whole lot of it.

Mr. Meany: Oh... Well, I've certainly got more than enough in that department.

Banner Ad: If you use Monster-Dong 3000, it'll give you a humongous raging boner.

(Meany considers. Cut to later on...)

Mr. Meany: OK, I applied your product directly to my... Well, you know. So, when will I see the results?

Banner Ad: Very soon. Expando Incorporated is not responsible for any allergic reactions, psychological trauma, destruction of personal property or loss of life resulting from the use of Monster-Dong 3000.

Mr. Meany: Hang on, loss of life?

Banner Ad: Monster-Dong 3000 may cause vomiting, jellied eyeballs, bazooka diarrhea, irritable bowel syndrome, enraged bowel syndrome, psycho killer bowel syndrome, and purple nurples.

Mr. Meany: Oh, dear.

Banner Ad: Monster-Dong 3000 is a dangerously irresponsible product, made by terrible people to prey upon the personal insecurities of gullible losers. Monster-Dong 3000 should not be used under any circumstances. Exit, stage right.

(The banner ad leaps out of the scene. A black "censored" box suddenly appears over Meany's groin. The box continues to grow, quickly stretching out of the frame.)

Mr. Meany: Well, I don't see how this could get much more embarrassing.

(Scenes of the black "censored" box covering Mr. Meany's thingie, as it grows out of all control and causes havoc in the city.)

Mr. Meany: This is very, very not good. Oh, dear. Now it's coming back around. And it's doing loop-de-loops!

(Transition to an Xtranormal Newsreport.)

Brownie Piles: Brownie Piles here with the Xtranormal news. Today a balding, middle-aged local weirdo named Mr. Meany experimented with a sleazy topical male enhancement product, causing his wretched little dingle to expand to such monstrous proportions that it now threatens the entire city. Horrified witnesses describe Mr. Meany's raging boner as a tumescent nightmare from the depths of hell.

Mark Fardwarp: Having seen Mr Meany's raging boner, I now hate and fear all boners everywhere, including my own. So, I'm getting a sex change tomorrow.

Marcia Fardwarp: I'm his wife, and I'm totally okay with him cutting off his dingle. Actually, I'm a lesbian now. The sight of Mr. Meany's raging boner did that to me.

Brownie Piles: Authorities say that they are powerless to stop Mr. Meany's raging boner, because it's so gross that nobody wants to get near it.

(Cut to Sweetie and Mr. Meany at home. Meany's dong is still stretching out of the frame, covered by a black "censored" box.)

Mr. Meany: God damn every god damn thing to hell. Could you do me a favor, and please shoot me in the head immediately?

Sweetie: I think I've got a better idea. Here, have a look at this picture of Ann Coulter, the hateful Fox News she-demon.

(A picture of Coulter appears, and Meany's member instantly shrinks.)

Sweetie: That always does the trick.

Mr. Meany: It actually retracted so far into my abdomen that I think I have a vagina now. But in this series, I guess that's just par for the course.

Sweetie: I sure hope you learned your lesson. We should accept who we are. (She suddenly grows enormous boobs.) Dammit. Those Expando Incorporated jerks said that Boobs-a-Lot 3000 would give me tits 'til Tuesday, but these are more like Wednesday afternoon, at least.

A Different Banner Ad: Have you suffered grotesquely inflated sex parts as a result of using Expando Incorporated products? Attorney Larry H Hogsknuckle will fight for you!

Mr. Meany: Oh, god damn it.

DOLLED UP, part 3, the Final Chapter: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 133

Egads! Feminist academic Fiona Pretzels has turned all of the men in this series into cute little blonde plastic fashion dollies! In the final chapter of the epic Dolled Up storyline, Mr. Meany and the other dolls make a daring escape from Fiona, hopping away through the woods as fast they can in their tiny plastic high heel dolly shoes. If you enjoy this episode, please head on over to Youtube and whip that like button. Whip it good!

DOLLED UP, part 2: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 132

Mr. Meany has been turned into a Bambi Sparkles girl, in a Bambi Sparkles world! It's not so fantastic, he's made of plastic!

DOLLED UP: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 131

Mr. Meany once again runs afoul of our favorite feminist intellectual Fiona Pretzels, and this time she exacts a most peculiar revenge.

If you enjoyed this episode, please head on over to Youtube and punch that like button so hard you give it a black eye and it has to tell its friends that it fell down the stairs.

NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT:

Mr. Meany: Hello again, folks. Today we have a super-sexy episode for you... I'm going to list my 100 favorite boobies! Number 100, Sofia Vergara's right boob. Number 99, Sofia Vergara's left boob. Number 98...

(Fiona Pretzels arrives)

Fiona Pretzels: Hold it right there, Mr. Meany.

Mr. Meany: Oh dear. Folks, this is Fiona Pretzels, the feminist academic who is always barging into these cartoons uninvited.

Fiona: You've made some disgustingly misogynistic cartoons before, but this time you've hit a new low.

Mr. Meany: Every time I see you, you say I've hit a new low of disgusting misogyny. Just once I'd like to hear you say that I haven't hit a new low, and I am merely maintaining a consistent level of disgusting misogyny.

Fiona: I'm sick of you men treating women like objects, like we're just toys for your amusement... Well, now you're going to see what it's like.

Mr. Meany: What the hell are you talking about?

Fiona: This time you're going to be my toy, the ultimate pretty little plaything. Computer. Initiate program Plastic Skank, password MathIsHard.

(Mr. Meany turns into a pretty, smiling blonde mannequin.)

Mr. Meany: Hey! What happened? I can't move.

(In an impressive special effect brought about through tremendous effort and expense, Mr. Meany shrinks until he is just a little plastic blonde fashion doll that looks a lot like a Barbie but for legal purposes is definitely NOT BARBIE.)

Fiona: You're a Bambi Sparkles fashion doll. You're not even a Barbie. You're just a cheap little Barbie imitation from the 99 cent store.

Mr. Meany: What? Fiona, how did you do this? You don't know how to hack into Xtranormal!

Fiona: Don't worry your pretty little plastic head about that. I'm gonna have so much fun playing with my new dolly. I'm gonna dress you up in lots of frilly pink dresses and tiny high heel shoes, and you'll be the prettiest little toy ever.

Mr. Meany: Fiona, you twisted shrew. If I could move the fingers on my hand, I'd be flipping you off so hard.

(We move to a later scene set in a dark, kind of creepy attic room where Fiona has put Mr. Meany on a desktop with three other identical blonde dolls in different-colored dresses.)

Fiona: Welcome to your new home, Bambi. Say hello to your new friends, Ashley, Madison, and Bubbles.

Mr. Meany: Come on, Fiona. You can't keep me as a prisoner on some desktop with a bunch of cheap plastic toys.

Doll in Red Dress (Voice of Badd Doggy P): Yo, who you calling cheap, you nasty fool?

Mr. Meany: What? Oh no. Why does your voice sound familiar?

Badd Doggy P: Because I'm Badd Doggy P. This feminist academic bitch turned me into a damn Ashley doll.

Doll in Green Dress (Voice of Officer Nobb): Yeah. And I'm Officer Nobb.

Doll in Purple Dress (Voice of Skeeter): And I'm Skeeter!

Mr. Meany: Oh no, I'm in hell! I'm a plastic dolly, trapped forever on a desktop with Badd Doggy P, Officer Nobb, and... Hang on. Skeeter? Who the hell is Skeeter?

Skeeter: Come on, I've been in this series like 20 times! Why doesn't anybody ever remember me?

Fiona: The tyranny of male oppression in this cartoon is over. From now on, Fiona Pretzels is in charge... And all of you chauvinist boys are just cheap plastic toys!

(Dramatic, sinister music.)

Mr. Meany: (Aside to camera) You know, you'd think that the worst part about being turned into a Bambi Sparkles doll would be the humiliating loss of personal autonomy. But to be honest, all I can think about is how I really wish I'd had a chance to go to the bathroom while I was still anatomically correct.

THE CHINESE LOVE LIPS RETURN!: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 130

The mischievous, talking, magical sex toy returns to grant Mr. Meany's wishes... But poor Meany is about to learn (again) that we must be careful what we wish for!

If you enjoyed this episode, check out this series at www.UrsulaHitler.com. And don't forget to beat that "like" button like a rented mule!

TITS ROMNEY 2: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 129

The election is over, and a certain former candidate makes a return visit to the wacky, kinky cartoon world inside Ursula Hitler's head... But will he ever be the same?

WALDO THE WANDERING WANG, THE FINAL CHAPTER!! - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 128

Mr. Meany's willie, who goes by the name of Waldo, has abandoned Mr. Meany and found a new home... And now Meany will do anything to get Waldo back!

WALDO THE WANDERING WANG, PART 3 - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 127

Mr. Meany's willie, who goes by the name of Waldo, has found a new home with Fiona Pretzels... And Fiona and Meany aren't too thrilled about that.

Happy birthday to us!

I first uploaded this baby one year ago today. It was months of work, and when I finally posted it I still wasn't 100% satisfied but I simply could not keep poor Abby waiting anymore. That shot during the car chase, where the trees start to strobe and disappear? You will never know how much that bothers me. But this was literally my first fully-animated anything (as opposed to superimposing the occasional mermaid tail or puddle of Posh Spice vomit in an Xtranormal cartoon) and I was learning as I went. The scene early on where the monster carries the bride out of the castle was the first time I animated anybody walking, ever. Taking stuff like that into account, I'm still pretty proud of my gross, sweet, stitched-together beastie.

WALDO THE WANDERING WANG, PART 2 - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 126

Penis, penis, who's got the penis? Poor Mr. Meany's penis has abandoned him again...

Follow this series at UrsulaHitler.com, and if you enjoy it please don't forget to subscribe and slam the heck out of that like button!

WALDO THE WANDERING WANG - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 125

Poor Mr. Meany awakes to find that his manhood is missing yet again. But you'll never believe who's responsible this time!

If you enjoy this series please don't forget to subscribe on Youtube and slam the heck out of that like button!

THE GLAMPIRE: AN XTRANORMAL ROCK OPERA - Part 5 of 5

All Mr. Meany wanted was a little charm and good looks, and now he's been transformed into a busty blond creature of the night and his best friend Sweetie has fallen into the fiendish clutches of the Glampire! Will our heroes survive? Find out in the final chapter of our epic Xtranormal rock opera...

Just in time for the Halloween season, we present this kinky, funny, scary, gender-bendy Xtranormal rock opera extravaganza featuring script, lyrics and animation by Ursula Hitler and music adapted from the public domain work of Kevin MacLeod.

THE GLAMPIRE: AN XTRANORMAL ROCK OPERA - Part Four

All Mr. Meany wanted was a little charm and good looks, and now he's been transformed into a busty blonde creature of the night! Just in time for the Halloween season, we present the latest chapter of this kinky, funny, scary, gender-bendy Xtranormal rock opera epic featuring script, lyrics and animation by Ursula Hitler and music adapted from the public domain work of Kevin MacLeod. Episode four of five. (Yes, I split the last part into two episodes. It was either that, or one looong episode.)

If you enjoy this series, please, please do whatever you can to help get the word out!

In which I apologize for my drama queenery...

Hi folks. Yesterday I was feeling very low, and I made a post announcing that in the coming weeks I was going to end this series. Well, I was quite sincere about it, but some time has passed, I've calmed down a bit, and I've gotten a lot of very thoughtful comments from people via email, on the TG Comics message board and elsewhere... And I've now reconsidered.

Even if the series seems to be losing viewers by the score, I'm just not quite ready to give it up. Maybe this latest drop is a temporary thing. The only way to find out is to give it some more time. I very much appreciate the comments and encouragement, they've really made a difference. Thanks.