Sunday, April 7, 2013

A VERY UNMERRY UNBIRTHDAY TO YOU - Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 135

Mr. Meany encounters Butternut Squash, protector of public decency, in what may very well be our weirdest episode ever. You better stay on Butternut's good side, or she'll repress you... and regress you!

If you enjoyed this cartoon, don't forget to spank that Youtube like button. It's been a naughty little like button! Oh, yes it has...


Mr. Meany: Hello again, folks. On today's show I'm going to share one of my favorite weird sex fetishes with you: skanky ladies with big bushy armpit hair!

Butternut Squash: Stop right there, you naughty man!

Mr. Meany: What? Who the hell are you?

Butternut Squash: I'm Butternut Squash, protector of public decency.

Mr. Meany: Well Butternut, if you don't mind, I'm right in the middle of making a perverted cartoon, here.

Butternut Squash: Such filth shouldn't be allowed, and I'm gonna put a stop to it right now.

Mr. Meany: Listen baby, I'm a horny, virile man-skank, and no upitty little dame is ever gonna tell me what to do.

Butternut Squash: Oh, really? Well, let's see what you say after I unbirth you in my purification pouch.

Mr. Meany: What?

(She abruptly swallows him, and he lands inside her belly.)

Mr. Meany: Hey. Where am I?

Butternut Squash: Happy unbirth day to you, Mr. Meany!

(INTRO CARD: "What are the strange origins of Butternut Squash's unbirthing abilities?")

Butternut Squash: You see, I've always been a clean and virtuous girl. Whenever Satan tempted me with fantasies about hairy Italian guys with great big floppy man parts, I would drive them from my mind by listening to Pat Boone records for hours. But as the years passed, the wicked lust grew stronger, and I began to have excruciating belly cramps. Finally I went to see a gastroenterologist. But when Doctor Wendelstein asked me to open wide... he fell in. Some strange instinct told me to scrunch up my belly muscles as hard as I could. Soon I squeezed out Doctor Wendellstein, but when he emerged... He'd been completely transformed into a cute little cartoon rabbit. That was how I learned my agonizing belly cramps were really a gift from God. I could swallow wicked sinners, and use the mighty spasmodic power of my guts to squash, stretch and reform them.

(Back to Mr. Meany inside Butternut's belly.)

Butternut Squash: Your transformation's begun, and I'm sanitizing your body and soul. Soon you'll be a cute, wholesome little girl, forever and ever.

(Phone rings.)

Mr. Meany: What? That sounds like somebody calling me on the Xtranormal video phone.

Butternut Squash: Well, make it quick. I don't like to be interrupted during the emasculization process.

Mr. Meany: Hello, who is this?

Sweetie (on videophone): Hey Meany. You've been gone a few hours, so I figured you probably need me to come rescue you again.

Mr. Meany: Sweety, help me. I'm trapped inside the belly of a crazy lady, and she's gonna squash me until I turn into a little girl.

Sweetie: Great. So you've gotten yourself into another Freudian nightmare. You know, I got shit to do today, and I can't always just drop everything and rescue you from some weird bitch's abdominal prison.

Mr. Meany: But Sweetie...

Sweetie: There's a big shoe sale downtown, but then I'll drop by to rescue you around six-ish.

(She hangs up.)

Mr. Meany: Oh (censored.)

Butternut Squash: And now Mr. Meany, I'm gonna squeeze all the sin out of you.

(Butternut sings an Unbirthday song as she transforms him.)

Butternut Squash: I will catch you, and I'll stretch you, this is your Unbirthday. I will seize you, and I'll squeeze you, this is your Unbirth day. I will take you, and remake you, this is your Unbirthday. I will hold you, and I'll mold you, this is your Unbirthday!

(CARD: Several hours of unbirthing later...)

Butternut Squash (to her swollen belly): Soon you'll be a perfect little lady, Mr, Meany.

Sweetie: Stop right there, you twisted abdominatrix! You're gonna let Meany go, right now!

Butternut Squash: There's nothing that could make me release him now.

Sweetie: Oh, really? Well, did he happen to tell you he's infected with a severe case of digital syphilis? (To camera:) There's a little callback for our longtime viewers!

Butternut Squash: Oh, no... (To her belly:) Get out of me right now, you wretched sinner!

(She coughs Mr. Meany up. His transformation not quite complete, he is now a sort of ghoulish dwarf girl dressed in a frilly, bloodied dress.)

Mr. Meany: Great. I'm a zombie midget Honey Boo Boo.

Butternut Squash: I can feel his wickedness spreading through my system.

Sweetie: It's like they say. You are what you eat.

(Butternut Squash transforms into a cute skank.)

Butternut Squash: Oh, god damn it. Now I'm just a cheap nympho floozy. Oh well, I guess I'll go give handjobs to sailors.

Sweetie (Gesturing toward Mr. Meany): And what about the little lady over here?

Butternut Squash: His transformation wasn't finished, so he ought to expand back to normal in a few weeks.

Mr. Meany: I can't be stuck as some freaky little dwarf girl for weeks!

Sweetie: Don't worry. I bet you'll look super-adorable after we clean you up. (Getting into it:) And of course you'll need a pretty pink dress... And pigtails!

Mr. Meany: Oh, god damn it.

Sweetie: Listen little missy, don't talk back to your Auntie Sweetie!