INSIDE FIONA PRETZELS PART 3 - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 139

Still trapped inside the body of feminist grad student Fiona Pretzels, Mr. Meany experiences the exciting world of lesbian dating! But will Meany and Fiona make a "love connection"?

If you enjoy this episode, click around in the archives to experience literally dozen of episodes of this weird fetish comedy stuff. Go ahead, treat yourself. And don't forget to bang that Youtube "like" button like David Lee Roth banging a groupie back in the Van Halen glory days! Well, you know... metaphorically. I mean, don't actually snort a few lines of coke and then try to have sex with a Youtube "like" button. That would not end well.

NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT!:

Fiona: Listen Mr. Meany, I've got a hot date tonight, and I don't want you to ruin it.

Mr. Meany: What do you mean, Fiona? Why would I ruin it?

Fiona: Just don't say anything. Here she comes.

(Lizzy arrives.)

Fiona: Hi, Lizzy.

Lizzy: Hi, Fiona.

Mr. Meany (lustily eyeing her): Well, hello gorgeous.

Lizzy: What?

Mr. Meany: Oops! Sorry, Fiona. No, I mean, of course I AM Fiona. I'm a perfectly ordinary young lesbian lady, but I have a sore throat today that makes me sound like a 46-year-old British man!

Lizzy: What?

Fiona: Nothing. You look lovely, Lizzy. I was thinking maybe we could get a vegetarian pizza and then go see that new French lesbian drama, Mon Vibrateur Magique.

Lizzy: Okay.

Mr. Meany: Oh, come on, Lizzy doesn't want to do that. Let's get sushi and then go see Twin Sister Tickle Party Part 6, instead.

Lizzy: What?

Fiona: Oh, God damn it! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Mr. Meany: You're obviously totally blowing this! But don't worry, I've seen enough lesbian pornography to know what to do.

Lizzy: Fiona, I don't know what's going on, but you're acting super-freaky.

Mr. Meany: Come on back to my place and get all up in my lady business, you sweet little chocolate biscuit!

Lizzy: Wow. I'm going to run away screaming now.

(True to her word, Lizzy runs away screaming.)

Mr. Meany: Thanks a lot, Fiona. If you'd let me do the talking, we could be bumping fuzzies with a sexy young black lady tonight. You're really not very good at being a homosexual lady. Thank goodness I'm here now to teach you how to do this whole lesbian thing right.

Fiona: Oh, really? Well, here comes another young woman I know. Maybe you can teach us both a thing or two. Her name is Butternut. Butternut Squash.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC! Butternut is revealed, still in her slutty outfit from the end of her previous episode.)

Butternut: Hi.

Mr. Meany: Fiona, we have to get out of here! You don't know what this girl is capable of doing.

Butternut: Fiona knows all about the strange powers of my belly, Mr. Meany.

Fiona: I'm writing an essay about Butternut for Ms. Andry's Deconstructing the Postmodern Misogynist Narrative class. As a woman who swallows people and transforms them in her magic unbirthing pouch, Butternut's such an anti-feminist nightmare that I may just write my dissertation on her.

Mr. Meany: But Butternut, when you got turned into a nympho floozy a few episodes back, I thought it cured you of unbirthing and transforming people.

Butternut: Nope. I used to unbirth and transform people because I was a twisted, repressed shrew. Now I unbirth and transform people because I'm a twisted, kinky bitch!

Mr. Meany: Oh, crap.

Butternut: Open wide, Fiona.

(Butternut opens her mouth and uses her awesome unbirthing powers to suck Mr. Meany out of Fiona's body and into her own belly.)

Mr. Meany (from inside Buttermilk's swollen tummy): Oh, God damn it.

Buttermilk (to Fiona): What do you want me to do to him? Should I turn him into a six-year-old girl in a cute little sailor suit? Or how about a sexy french maid to serve you tea and crumpets?

Fiona: Tempting. But I've got a better idea...

(Title card: AND SO. Cut to later that day, as Sweetie is arriving back at the room she shares with Mr. Meany.)

Sweetie: Meany, I'm home.

(Pull out to see that Fiona is there.)

Sweetie: Oh. Hello, Fiona.

Mr. Meany (in the form of Fiona): No, I'm Mr. Meany. But now I'm stuck looking like this!

Sweetie: What? Why?

Mr. Meany: Fiona's gonna spend the next month at home, watching The L Word on Netflix... and if I ever wanna change back, I've gotta get a freaking A-plus in Ms. Andry's Deconstructing the Postmodern Misogynist Narrative class!

INSIDE FIONA PRETZELS PART 2 - Ursula Hitler's Head, ep. 138

In our last episode Mr. Meany ended up inside the body of his nemesis, feminist grad student Fiona Pretzels. No, he's literally INSIDE HER BODY, he's all folded up in there. Forced to co-exist in this manner, how will this odd couple get along? Watch, and learn!

If you enjoy this episode, go ahead and click around in the archives, where you will find many more weird, sexy and weirdly sexy cartoons. And don't forget to work that Youtube "like" button. Yeah, baby. Work it good.

NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT!:

Sweetie: Hello again, folks. Mr. Meany is late for today's episode, so I guess I'll...

(Mr. Meany arrives, still in the body of Fiona Pretzels.)

Mr. Meany: Hang on, I'm here!

Fiona (taking over her body to speak): You mean, "Fiona and I are here."

Mr. Meany: Fiona, please be quiet. Sweetie and I are trying to do an episode of the show.

Fiona: I want you out of my body right now! I'm sick of you peeking at my tits when you think I'm asleep, and using my butt to crap with.

Mr. Meany: You're a fine one to talk. You eat freaking lentils and beans all day, and I'm stuck inside your skin with your stinky hippie farts.

Sweetie: Does anybody wanna explain what's going on here?

Fiona: Your gross old man whiskers keep poking my insides. You're giving my gums stubble-rash!

Mr. Meany: Well, your body's too tight. I'm really starting to chafe in here.

Sweetie: Look, I don't know how the heck Meany ended up in Fiona's body, but I'm sick of you two arguing. I'm gonna go get an Orange Julius with Mandy, and when I come home I expect to see you behaving like a civil young lady with a civil middle-aged man inside of her!

(Sweetie exits.)

Mr. Meany: Look, Fiona, we need to talk about what happened last night. I mean, specifically the shagging.

Fiona: I don't remember anything. The shock of having you inside my body must have made me temporarily insane, and I blacked out and did horrible, disgusting things I can't even remember anymore.

Mr. Meany: Come on, don't freak out about it. We just got carried away.

Fiona: But... I never did anything with a man before. I don't even like men! I hate men! That's my thing!

Mr. Meany: Hey, I once got so horny I had sex with a warm rhubarb pie... but shagging one pie doesn't make me a pie-sexual.

Fiona (despairing): Oh, God. I had sex with a man who had sex with a freaking pie.

Mr. Meany: So, maybe you're not 100 percent man-hating lesbo. Well, nobody is 100 percent anything. But if you look deep inside yourself, you know who you really are. Well, technically, right now deep inside yourself, there's me. But you know what I mean.

Fiona: Mr. Meany, I think that may be the least appalling thing you've ever said to me. It was almost... sensitive. (A pause.) Hang on. Why do I feel you getting an erection inside of me?

Mr. Meany: I'm sorry. I'm remembering that pie.

Fiona: Get out of me right now, or I'm gonna eat lentils and beans until I crap you out!

INSIDE FIONA PRETZELS - Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 137

In what may just be our most peculiar episode yet, Mr. Meany takes us on a fantastic voyage deep inside the skinny little hippie chick body of feminist academic Fiona Pretzels. Weird, gross and kind of sexy hijinks ensue!

If you enjoy this episode, don't forget to lovingly caress that Youtube "like" button!

DOLLED UP, part 3, the Final Chapter: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 133

Egads! Feminist academic Fiona Pretzels has turned all of the men in this series into cute little blonde plastic fashion dollies! In the final chapter of the epic Dolled Up storyline, Mr. Meany and the other dolls make a daring escape from Fiona, hopping away through the woods as fast they can in their tiny plastic high heel dolly shoes. If you enjoy this episode, please head on over to Youtube and whip that like button. Whip it good!

DOLLED UP: Ursula Hitler's Head ep. 131

Mr. Meany once again runs afoul of our favorite feminist intellectual Fiona Pretzels, and this time she exacts a most peculiar revenge.

If you enjoyed this episode, please head on over to Youtube and punch that like button so hard you give it a black eye and it has to tell its friends that it fell down the stairs.

NOW WITH TRANSCRIPT:

Mr. Meany: Hello again, folks. Today we have a super-sexy episode for you... I'm going to list my 100 favorite boobies! Number 100, Sofia Vergara's right boob. Number 99, Sofia Vergara's left boob. Number 98...

(Fiona Pretzels arrives)

Fiona Pretzels: Hold it right there, Mr. Meany.

Mr. Meany: Oh dear. Folks, this is Fiona Pretzels, the feminist academic who is always barging into these cartoons uninvited.

Fiona: You've made some disgustingly misogynistic cartoons before, but this time you've hit a new low.

Mr. Meany: Every time I see you, you say I've hit a new low of disgusting misogyny. Just once I'd like to hear you say that I haven't hit a new low, and I am merely maintaining a consistent level of disgusting misogyny.

Fiona: I'm sick of you men treating women like objects, like we're just toys for your amusement... Well, now you're going to see what it's like.

Mr. Meany: What the hell are you talking about?

Fiona: This time you're going to be my toy, the ultimate pretty little plaything. Computer. Initiate program Plastic Skank, password MathIsHard.

(Mr. Meany turns into a pretty, smiling blonde mannequin.)

Mr. Meany: Hey! What happened? I can't move.

(In an impressive special effect brought about through tremendous effort and expense, Mr. Meany shrinks until he is just a little plastic blonde fashion doll that looks a lot like a Barbie but for legal purposes is definitely NOT BARBIE.)

Fiona: You're a Bambi Sparkles fashion doll. You're not even a Barbie. You're just a cheap little Barbie imitation from the 99 cent store.

Mr. Meany: What? Fiona, how did you do this? You don't know how to hack into Xtranormal!

Fiona: Don't worry your pretty little plastic head about that. I'm gonna have so much fun playing with my new dolly. I'm gonna dress you up in lots of frilly pink dresses and tiny high heel shoes, and you'll be the prettiest little toy ever.

Mr. Meany: Fiona, you twisted shrew. If I could move the fingers on my hand, I'd be flipping you off so hard.

(We move to a later scene set in a dark, kind of creepy attic room where Fiona has put Mr. Meany on a desktop with three other identical blonde dolls in different-colored dresses.)

Fiona: Welcome to your new home, Bambi. Say hello to your new friends, Ashley, Madison, and Bubbles.

Mr. Meany: Come on, Fiona. You can't keep me as a prisoner on some desktop with a bunch of cheap plastic toys.

Doll in Red Dress (Voice of Badd Doggy P): Yo, who you calling cheap, you nasty fool?

Mr. Meany: What? Oh no. Why does your voice sound familiar?

Badd Doggy P: Because I'm Badd Doggy P. This feminist academic bitch turned me into a damn Ashley doll.

Doll in Green Dress (Voice of Officer Nobb): Yeah. And I'm Officer Nobb.

Doll in Purple Dress (Voice of Skeeter): And I'm Skeeter!

Mr. Meany: Oh no, I'm in hell! I'm a plastic dolly, trapped forever on a desktop with Badd Doggy P, Officer Nobb, and... Hang on. Skeeter? Who the hell is Skeeter?

Skeeter: Come on, I've been in this series like 20 times! Why doesn't anybody ever remember me?

Fiona: The tyranny of male oppression in this cartoon is over. From now on, Fiona Pretzels is in charge... And all of you chauvinist boys are just cheap plastic toys!

(Dramatic, sinister music.)

Mr. Meany: (Aside to camera) You know, you'd think that the worst part about being turned into a Bambi Sparkles doll would be the humiliating loss of personal autonomy. But to be honest, all I can think about is how I really wish I'd had a chance to go to the bathroom while I was still anatomically correct.

Deleted scene from URSULA HITLER'S HEAD: ATTACK OF THE 50 FT FEMINIST

The original edit of the episode Attack of the 50 Foot Feminist ran almost a minute longer. The episode was long and something had to go, so I cut this scene. If you wondered what Fiona Pretzels was up to during her months of bimbofication, now you know!

ATTACK OF THE 50 FOOT FEMINIST! - Ursula Hitler's Head, episode 114

A few months ago Mr. Meany had an argument with the feminist intellectual Fiona Pretzels, and in a fit of pique he hacked into Xtranormal and turned her into a blonde bimbo. Now Mr. Meany is finally going to change Fiona back... But things don't go quite the way he planned.

I've been trying to get away from the serial stories for a while and come up with some stand-alone episodes. This episode obviously builds on stuff that's been going on for a while, but I think that even if you didn't know the series, you could pretty much figure out what's going on here.

Maybe this episode runs a little long, but this is the kind of story I previously would've turned into a big epic saga... It probably would've been 10 episodes long by the time I was done! Now that it's done, I don't know how long it'll be until I do another episode. Trying to cram this whole plot into 4 minutes just about killed me!

Anyway. If you enjoyed this episode, do please click that thumbs up button on Youtube, share this clip with friends, jabber endlessly about this series to strangers on the bus, tattoo a naked picture of Sweetie on your butt, etc. And hey, if this is the first episode you've seen, go ahead and click around in the archives. There's a lot of pervy stuff awaiting you in there.

URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 101: From Smarty Girl to Party Girl!

Fiona Pretzels was a feminist intellectual, but then she was transformed into a ditzy blond bimbo... And OMG, now she's like totally super-duper mad about it, you guys!