Friday, December 3, 2010

INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 62: Furry, pt. 8





Sweetie has finally changed herself into a mermaid, and now she's gone under the sea to find out what's happened to Mr. Meany.

TRANSCRIPT:

Sweetie: Hello again, folks. I finally turned myself into a mermaid, and now I'm swimming around here in the lake, looking for Mr. Meany. So far I haven't found him... All I've found are these weird eggs all over the place... Meany, where the heck are you?

Meany: Sweetie? What are you doing here?

Sweetie: Oh my God... Meany, what happened to you? You look sick.

Meany: What do you want? Are you going to try and hurt my babies?

Sweetie: What? Your babies?

Meany: Stay away from my babies! If you try to hurt them, I will kill you!

Sweetie: But Meany, wait... What the crap was that all about?

Lulzo (as a mermaid, speaking with a girl voice): Meany is dying.

Sweetie: What? What do you mean, he's dying?

Lulzo: Meany is in the final stages of mermaid mommy mania. When a mermaid mommy lays eggs, so goes crazy and stops eating and sleeping. All she cares about is protecting her babies. Then when the eggs finally hatch, the mermaid mommy dies and her babies eat her.

Sweetie: But... This doesn't make sense. Meany hates kids. He'd never choose to lay eggs, especially if it was going to kill him.

Lulzo: That's true. But I sang my enchanting mermaid fertility song, and forced him to lay eggs. He had no choice.

Sweetie: What? Who the hell are you, and why are you doing this?

Lulzo: I'm surprised you haven't recognized me, Sweetie... You and I are old friends. For in reality, I am none other than...

Sweetie: Wait, I know... You're Lulzo the killer clown, aren't you?

Lulzo: God damn it. (Switches to male voice.) How did you know it was me?

Sweetie: Who else would it be? We only got like five characters in this whole cartoon.

Lulzo: Well... Never mind that. Now I can at last reveal my sinister plan.

Sweetie: I don't care about your damn plan. I'm gonna get a rock, smash these eggs before they hatch and save my friend.

Lulzo: It's too late. The eggs are nearly hatched. Meany will die soon, no matter what you do.

Sweetie: Bullshit. We've beaten your sorry ass before, and we'll do it again.

Lulzo: No, Mr. Meany has defeated me in the past. Not you. You're just Meany's bimbo sidekick, a pretty pink nothing. You know you don't have the brains to play my games.

Sweetie: Shut up.

Lulzo: You're a very small fishie in a very large pond, and unless you wish to die with Mr. Meany, I suggest that you swim away now as fast as your little fins will carry you.

Sweetie: But... Please, you can't...

Lulzo: Swim away now, little fishie... Swim away now, while you still can.

14 comments:

Felicity Walker said...

And here we are at the new blog. I’ll try to add this to my regular “route,” like I did with Fruvous’s “The Million Word Year.”

Seven said...

Poor Sweetie! Where's British Petroleum when you need them?

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