Sunday, November 28, 2010
INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 61: Furry, pt. 7
Sweetie, still a half cow, is visited by her friend Mandy the Microbe, and they discuss what to do about Mr. Meany's mermaid malady.
Sweetie: Hey, Mandy.
Mandy: Hi Sweetie. I saw your last cartoon. How are you doing?
Sweetie: Oh, I'm freaking fantastic. Meany's gone, and the furry flu turned me into a freaking cow monster... At least it looks like you're immune to it, though. You're still just a giant microbe.
Mandy: Oh, very funny. I've been transformed into a grotesque freak. Anybody can see that. Half of me is now an Aeromonas salmonicida virus. God, I can hardly stand to look at myself anymore.
Sweetie: Well, at least you're not half cow. I have to milk my udders every few hours. You have no idea how complicated that is, when you're built like this. It's like trying to play some bagpipes that are in the trunk of your car, without getting out of the driver's seat.
Mandy: Sweetie, you're wasting time here... You should be out there right now, trying to rescue Meany.
Sweetie: Meany doesn't need rescuing. He turned into a snotty little mermaid bitch, then he went to live his fabulous new life under the sea without me.
Mandy: Don't be so stupid. Meany would never leave you. This is obviously yet another story where Meany is in trouble, and you're supposed to go rescue him.
Sweetie: Oh, my gosh... You know, I think you're right! (To the camera:) Jesus Ursula, come up with a new plot, already.
Mandy: You gotta get down to that lake somehow... But I don't know how you're going to swim with that giant cow butt.
Sweetie: Don't worry, I got an idea. Before Meany left, he tried to use his computer hacker skills to change us back to normal. It didn't work, but I think I've learned a few tricks watching him...
Mandy: What? No, Sweetie, you can't experiment with Xtranormal's programming. It's too dangerous.
Sweetie: I'm cattle. How much worse can things get?
Sweetie: OK, here goes... Computer, access character model 335C, and load mod 702.
(There is a twinkly magic sound, and then we see that Mandy has turned into another Sweetie.)
Mandy: Oh God, this is so GROSS. How do you people stand all these bones and meat? I feel like an erector set covered with baloney.
Sweetie: Hang on, I'll try again. Computer... Access Sweetie character model and load mod 147.
(Another magic twinkly sound, and we see that Sweetie has turned into a giant microbe like Mandy.)
Sweetie: Son of a bitch...
Mandy: Is that really what I look like? Jesus, I had no idea I was so freaking HOT!