Sunday, January 16, 2011

INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 67: SWAP MEAT, pt. 1


Poor Mr. Meany has misplaced a certain... um, something. You know... A certain... um, MANLY something, if you catch my drift. Basically his, er, gentleman parts have gone missing, and they've been replaced by lady parts. Ever have one of those days?

TRANSCRIPT:

Meany: God damn it... Where could that thing be? (Notices audience.) Oh, hello folks... I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time for me to do a cartoon. You see, I've lost something very, very important.

Sweetie: (Arrives.) Hello, Meany.

Meany: Oh... Hello, Sweetie.

Sweetie: I heard you say you've lost something. What is it, pray tell?

Meany: Well... I'd rather not say. It's kind of embarrassing.

Sweetie: Oh, come on. How bad can it be?

Meany: Well, if you must know... I can't find my penis. It's just gone.

Sweetie: I see... Well, do you remember the last place where you left it?

Meany: Very funny... I woke up this morning, and my little soldier had gone AWOL. Now I have lady parts where my gentleman parts should be.

Sweetie: I see. Well, that's very sad, and its not hilarious at all... Hee-hee.

Meany: How can you laugh at a time like this? (He looks shocked.) Whoa! Sweetie, have I gone insane, or do you have an erection?

Sweetie: What? No, that's just a shadow on my shirt. A great big, throbbing, tumescent shadow. I absolutely do not have a raging boner.

Meany: I don't believe this... You stole my junk!

Sweetie: I didn't steal. I traded... I gave you MY junk. If anything, you traded up.

Meany: How the hell did you do it?

Sweetie: I learned a few tricks, watching you screw around with Xtranormal's programming.

Meany: But... I've tried restoring my program to default dozens of times today, and nothing happened.

Sweetie: Yeah... I kinda password protected our programs, so I could keep your penis for a while. I had plans.

Meany: Plans? What sort of freaking plans did you have for my penis?

Sweetie: I have a date with Fiona Pretzels, and it seemed like a penis would maybe come in handy. She's not really my type, but she asked me out, and I was curious to see what it's like to get an Oral Roberts.

Meany: Swap us back, right now! Give me my penis!

Sweetie: Can't I please keep it until Friday? I haven't even gotten to pee standing up yet.

Meany: No...return my manhood this instant!

Sweetie: OK, ya little drama queen. Computer, restore us to default settings, password Angry Inch.

(The computer buzzes, failing to comply.)

Sweetie: Oh, crap...

Meany: You forgot the password.

Sweetie: Relax, I'll think of it.

Meany: God, this is a nightmare... I'm so upset, my stomach's killing me.

Sweetie: Your stomach? Oh, no... I forgot about that.

Meany: Forgot about what?

Sweetie: Well... Let's just say this is your "special time". Today, you are officially a woman.

(He gives her a very sour look.)

Sweetie: In other words, you're gonna have my period.

Meany: Yes, I think we all understood that. You know, it's pretty sick of you to enjoy watching me be emasculated like this.

Sweetie: What? Meany, don't talk like that... You're my friend, I hate to see you suffer.

Meany: You still have an erection

Sweetie: (Sheepishly) Oh...Hee-hee.

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