Saturday, December 18, 2010

INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 64: Furry, pt. 10



Sweetie, still a mermaid, is depressed about her dim prospects for saving her best friend Mr. Meany from a weird and terrible fate. Her friend Mandy the Microbe, who was recently changed into a clone of Sweetie, arrives and they discuss Sweetie's options.

TRANSCRIPT:

Sweetie: Hi folks. Meany is in trouble, and I don't know how to save him...

(Mandy enters. She is still a Sweetie clone.)

Mandy: Hello, Sweetie... I see you're still a mermaid.

Sweetie: Yeah. I see you're still me.

Mandy: Yeah... I was hoping you could change me back into a microbe. Being people shaped is so weird. I wanna be a green blob again.

Sweetie: I'm sorry, but I can't help you right now... Meany's gonna die soon unless I can think of a way to save him.

Mandy: What? Why is Meany dying?

Sweetie: Because he laid a bunch of eggs, and when they hatch he's gonna get eaten by his own babies.

Mandy: Jesus... Is that how it works for you people? When we microbes wanna reproduce, we just divide our cells. It's not very romantic, but at least we never have to worry about being eaten by our young.

Sweetie: No, this is Lulzo the killer clown's latest evil plot. Lulzo created the furry flu computer virus, turned Meany into a mermaid and made him lay eggs. When Meany's egg hatch, his mermaid babies are going to eat him.

Mandy: God damn. That is messed up.

Sweetie: I gotta cure the furry flu somehow before Meany dies, but I got no idea what to do.

Mandy: Well, you already hacked into Xtranormal and changed me into a copy of you, but without the furry flu. Maybe you can change Meany into another copy.

Sweetie: By the time I figure out how to do that, Meany's fish babies will be eating his eyeballs. It's hopeless... I'm just a stupid bimbo, like Lulzo said.

Mandy: Come on... You figured out how to change yourself into a mermaid.

Sweetie: That was an accident. I just kept trying random crap until I got lucky. Meany's the one who's smart at computers, not me.

Mandy: Oh, really? Well, when Meany got turned into a mermaid he tried to change himself back for days, and he couldn't do it... But it only took you a few hours to change yourself into a mermaid.

Sweetie: Gosh... I guess I hadn't thought of it like that before.

Mandy: Lulzo was just preying on your insecurities, trying to make you feel helpless so you wouldn't even try to fight.

Sweetie: You're right. Letting Lulzo make me feel stupid is just... Well, it's just plain stupid.

Mandy: So, get yourself down to that lake, and tear that clown fish a new blowhole.

(Sweetie leers at Mandy.)

Mandy: What are you staring at?

Sweetie: Nothing, it's just... You are so freaking hot. You're making my fishy parts get all tingly.

Mandy: Sweetie, I am a clone of you.

Sweetie: Yeah, I know... Can we make out?

Mandy: Come on. You have to go save Meany.

Sweetie: Of course. I'm going... But can't I please just french kiss myself a little bit?

Mandy: Sweetie...

Sweetie: Please. Just let me touch my pert little boobies...

7 comments:

AlterEgoTrip said...

Ha ha, that one worked for me! You get it, Luzo was just pushing Sweetie's insecurity buttons..

Mandie always seems to remind her that she's much more than what she seems.. Mandie is a good influence. ;)

Ursula Hitler said...

Yeah, Mandy had a lot of time to think things over when she was living alone in her green void. She's prone to cynicism and self-pity, but she also doesn't buy into a lot of silly cultural bullshit.

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