Saturday, December 11, 2010

INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 63: Furry, pt. 9



Sweetie, still a mermaid and desperate to save Mr. Meany from a terrible fate, seeks advice from feminist academic Fiona Pretzels. It goes about as well as you'd expect.

TRANSCRIPT:

Sweetie: Hello, folks... I'm here with Fiona Pretzels, the feminist academic chick in this cartoon who's supposed to be super smart.

Fiona: Actually I find the term "feminist" too simplistic. I call myself a neo-femalist...

Sweetie: I see...

Fiona: ... Maxi-pedagogue-alist, repressive-hypothecist...

Sweetie: OK, well...

Fiona: ... Supercalifragilisticexpialadocialist.

Sweetie: Are you done?

Fiona: Pretty much. I simplified it for time's sake.

Sweetie: Please, I need help... Mr. Meany's in trouble, and I dunno how to end this story and save him. I hear you're supposed to know all this stuff about how stories work... Like you study narrative symbolism and everything.

Fiona: Yes. I recently completed a 500-page thesis on the subtextual phallocentricity of...

Sweetie: Great. So, Ursula is doing this crazy story where the furry flu is changing us all into animals. What does it all mean, and how do I change us back?

Fiona: Well, Ursula is a transvestite who envies woman-kind, so once again she has created a narrative in which women are subjected to grotesque and humiliating transformations. First, you were turned into a "fat cow," and now you're a "salty tuna"... While I have become a "hairy beaver." The insulting sexual connotations of these changes are obvious.

Sweetie: Oh, you're a beaver? I didn't know what those big furry feet were supposed to be.

Fiona: Yep. I even have a beaver tail, like a brown, rubbery waffle growing out of my butt.

Sweetie: Well, I'll admit there's plenty of disturbing imagery in this story. But never mind what it means... I just gotta know how to end it. Meany got turned into a mermaid, and if he doesn't change back soon, he'll die.

Fiona: Of course. In this phallocentric narrative, to become feminized symbolically equals death. It's so predictable!

Sweetie: Just tell me what the hell to do.

Fiona: Well... Maybe you should let Meany die.

Sweetie: What?

Fiona: Ursula uses you both as crude symbols of what she considers the male and female parts of her mind... So naturally Meany's the smart one, and you're a cliched cartoon bimbo. Perhaps if Meany is eliminated from this narrative, Ursula will be forced to develop you into something more than a bubblegum-pink tool of the patriarchy.

Sweetie: (Offended.) Well... Go build a dam or something, beaver girl!

Fiona: I'm just trying to help you reach your potential as an empowered female protoganist.

Sweetie: Forget it... I don't got any potential. Lulzo said I was too dumb to save Meany, and he's probably right. My best friend is gonna get eaten by his own freaky fish babies, and I can't stop it!

Fiona: Look, just forget about Meany, he's an ugly old white dude... You need a partner who can be a friend, a lover, and a sister... Like, maybe a redhead neo-femalist beaver girl who can appreciate your mind, as well as your pert little boobies.

Sweetie: I see... So, it seems the man-hating feminist chick is actually a dyke. NOW who's the big cliche around here?

Fiona: Yes. Sadly, even I am not immune to Ursula's hackneyed storytelling. I'm a female intellectual who is highly critical of our patriarchal society... So of course, I like poon-tang. It's so predictable!

Sweetie: Listen, you've been no help at all, and I gotta go. But hey, if I'm in the mood for some lesbian action sometime, maybe I'll give you a call...

Fiona: Actually, I find the term "lesbian" too simplistic. I call myself a polyamorous vegan-vaginalist...

Sweetie: Oh, Jesus... Not this again!

Fiona: ... Post-bottom, femme-butch, meta-sexualist...

Sweetie: I'm leaving...

Fiona: ... Neo-maxi-zum-cunnalinguist...

Sweetie: Please stop talking now.

13 comments:

AlterEgoTrip said...

LOL.. seeing the words laid out like that, its hard to concentrate on any psychological analysis!

But I will say, if the stereotypical female tool of to phallocentric male mind is as nice as or as kind as Sweetie, I don't worry.

I do think she has issues against motherhood, but I noticed that many men do of various ages because their mothers projected a sort of fatalistic sense of what motherhood is.

The genuine self sacrifice that motherhood CAN be is not expressed often by the father, but all parenthood has this echo. This motherhood as a "problem" is created by both men and women. Especially women who live within this purely stereotypical feminist paradigm.. that it is an evil thing.. but why you ask is this possible that the creation of life be an "evil" thing, to destroy you?

I think its the same projections as Christians have on "sex" and "nature"... there is something unbelievably evil about the natural world.. the destruction of the female by her children is a theme because it either destroys the projection of beauty of the female, or the attention she pays to it, or it brings out the genuine need for caring and makes all other things obsolete.

You can see this with an imbalanced relationship between any family where the father becomes jealous of the new baby but can not for the life of him express this.. so if he can not confront it, and its need, the relationship breaks up. Its because he himself has never really been given the chance to understand that a woman who cares for a child needs to give her time to it.

You don't find too many men upset about a JOB that a woman takes these days and yet jobs also can be the same thing, only a man can justify this by the fact that a woman is getting paid for a job where as she is not getting paid for a child, if they live in a material/pragmatic paradigm, which about 89% of all people walking on the earth today do. Especially those people who we project power upon called "leaders".

Its important to note what kind of "men" we see out there on the centre stage of the world political view.. and I wonder myself, where are all the different shades and variations of men that there are out there? Where are the transvestites? Where are the gentle fathers, where are those men who think that those other men are discussing and act like idiots allowing other people's children to be educated as military and their lives destroyed..

and why to male artists have to be these projections of huge egotism on the big screen? I ask you this question because in order to understand the problem Fiona has, you have to understand the problem she has with men.. and why she lives in a one sided world where NO men are perfect, no men are interesting, or good and why no men are even good enough to be her friend.

What is more frightening is that Fiona may have always made herself into the projection of what she thought a MALE should be, only without the phallus.


not enough space for long winded comments... will have to continue.

Ursula Hitler said...

Another fascinating comment, with a lot to think about. I'm surprised to hear you say that Sweetie seems to have a problem with motherhood. That wasn't my intent... Is it because of her line about smashing the eggs to save Meany? That's not because she thinks motherhood is bad, she was just thinking of the eggs as little monsters that were about to hatch and eat her friend! But maybe you meant something else...

Creating this story, I was fully aware of how problematic this motherhood imagery was, and I originally had more stuff where Fiona was talking about the appalling symbolism of a man dying because he'd become a female and a mother. I kind of agreed with her, too! (I had to cut that stuff, because this cartoon was already running long.)

In real life I think pregnancy is wonderful. (I have a pregnancy fetish, in fact!) But dramatically I'm always struggling to up the conflict and make it more extreme... So, I turned Meany's mermaid mommyhood into a body horror scenario, the corruption and transformation of the flesh, the loss of identity, dying so that your parasitic offspring will live, etc.

AlterEgoTrip said...

I think and talk too much, and I wish I had been able to complete the other part of my comment, where I mention who "Meanie" is..

I got all these messages that my comment was too long and I didn't even know this was posted.. and now I can't for the life of me come back to the point of who Meanie is and why motherhood or rather parenthood would "destroy" her/him..

But don't worry, in the more recent mainstream feminist/professional ideal I have run into many a woman who has said of their offspring, or even of MY offspring that they were leaches that you have to put in place... make them know that you dictate the terms. Which is kind of sad really because the offspring themselves have nothing to do with their own demands, and if satisfied, they grow up into less demanding youth and even better, healthy people who don't have these paradigm problems with access to their inner world of male and female identity..

As far as I wish to say of you, there is a mystic with the access to the transvestite divinity, this is the alchemical sacred inner world every man and woman should be at home with.. in order to go through the next steps.

You know, so it doesn't surprise me that your inner female should be worried about the destruction of the inner male.. this is a given but the perception doesn't stick in the way that all offspring are "evil" after all you are a creative person, and even dreams dramatize the issues.

I will get back to you as much as I can, and take care of yourself :)

AET

Ursula Hitler said...

AET, you're not the "AET" I used to know on LiveJournal, are you? I'm pretty sure you're not, but you have some things in common with her and I'm curious.

As often as I say that Sweetie and Meany represent caricatures of my inner male and my inner female, they've kind of grown beyond that since I started the series. They seem like distinct characters to me at this point, they do and say things I wouldn't say or do... They have this really strong affection for each other that wasn't there when I started this thing, and unfortunately that doesn't really reflect my own male and female sides. I have a lot of unresolved gender stuff I wrestle with, and I only wish those parts of my mind got along as well as Sweetie and Meany do!

You aren't talking too much!

AlterEgoTrip said...

On live journal, I was Svenskasfinx, before I had to delete for personal reasons, the reason being, I was posting too much personal and someone personal in my life didn't want it being read for obvious reasons ;)

For me to edit myself is a wall which would stop me from writing all together. I guess what I have to say is that I've got to be uncensored or face the consequences as blocks that force me to look too closely at what I am saying.. and if I get too self aware, I stop, frozen, dead..

Its horrible! But it may be nice for you to know, I throw out my impressions at the speed I think... so if I'm not making any sense, its allot of that right brained gabble... that makes sense to absolutely no one, but other right brained talkers ;)

I think that when you finally resolve your issues, its going to be a fantastic breakthrough for finding out the core of your being.. it can free you from some old outmoded way of being as well, if you let it.

I've recently hit a massive breakthrough with myself, which didn't feel exactly comfortable, but it helped me see my place and other's places in the great scheme of things.

It too is scary, but I'm starting to get used to the "lofty heights" of my lack of ambition ;)

Take care :)

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