Sunday, January 8, 2012
URSULA HITLER'S HEAD #95: "Mini and Mommy's Girly-Girl Playtime Party!"
Mr. Meany has been turned into a cute little girl and Sweetie has decided to be his new mommy, so that means big changes for the show.
Sweetie: Hello again, folks. There have been some big changes around here... Mr. Meany is now a little girl, and I've adopted her. Her new name is Mini, just like the mouse. So welcome to our new show, Mini and Mommy's Girly Girl Play-Time Party. (Music and logo.) Go ahead Mini, say hello to all the nice people.
Meany: My name is not Mini... Come on, Sweetie... Just because those Xtranormal jerks turned me into a kid, that doesn't mean you have to treat me like one.
Sweetie: Yes, I do... It was part of the conditions of your release from Xtranormal jail. I have to assume full responsibility as your mother, and treat you as my little girl at all times.
Meany: Oh, god... My life is the suckiest thing that ever sucked.
Sweetie: At first I thought maybe it would be weird, but I love being a mommy. And you'll see, being a little girl isn't so bad. You get to wear pretty dresses, and play with dollies. You're even gonna go to school with kids your own age.
Meany: Please, just grab me by the pigtails and chuck me into a wood chipper.
Sweetie: Now listen honeybunch, Mommy has a date tonight, so you gotta promise you'll be a good girl and do what your baby sitter says.
Meany: My baby sitter? I don't need a freaking... Hang on... You have a date?
Sweetie: Yeah. While you were in jail, I started dating Fiona Pretzels. She's a lot more fun, since you turned her into a bimbo. Whenever she starts talking too much, I just put my tongue in her mouth and we end up making out instead. And thanks to you, she looks just like me. I always wanted a lover as hot as I am, and now I've finally got one.
Meany: Oh great... So while I'm stuck here as a kid, you're gonna... (Notices something.) Hang on... Sweetie, Am I crazy, or do you have an erection?
Sweetie: What? Oh right, I forgot to mention that... The Xtranormal people said that I could have your penis. (Pause as he glowers at her.) Oh, come on... It's not like you're gonna be using it.