Sunday, October 31, 2010
INSIDE URSULA HITLER'S HEAD 57: Furry, pt. 2
Mr. Meany has turned into a mermaid! What the heck is going on? And... Is it contagious?
(Now that I look at him a little closer, it seems pretty obvious that Officer Nobb has been turned into a little cow, not a "puppy dog thing." Ah well, too late to change it now.)
Sweetie: Howdy folks. I'm Sweetie, and believe it or not, this sultry siren is none other than Mr. Meany.
Meany: Computer, restore me to my original setting... (A buzzing sound, as the computer fails to comply.) Damn it!
Sweetie: Isn't he the prettiest little fishy you ever saw? I just wanna grill him up and eat him with tartar sauce and lemon.
Meany: I hope you get some kind of cancer that doctors have never even heard of before... Like hair cancer. Cancer, in your hair.
Sweetie: Why so fussy, my little princess of the sea?
Meany: It's bad enough I'm constantly being turned into a girl in these stories, now I'm also half tuna... And besides, I kinda have to pee, and I don't even wanna think about how that's gonna work.
Sweetie: Well, we should probably call Officer Nobb on the video phone. Maybe the Xtranormal people can tell us what happened to you.
Meany: Officer Nobb? This day just gets better and better. Mr. Meany calling officer Nobb... Come in, you little Lego Nazi.
(Cut to: Nobb. He is now a little cartoon animal.)
Nobb: What the hell do you want, Meany? Oh... I see you've changed, too.
Meany: Officer Nobb? Is that really you?
Nobb: Yeah. There's a new virus going around... We're calling it the furry flu. It's turning us all into furries... Part people, part animals. It turned me into this freaky little cowboy puppy dog thing.
Meany: How do we change back to normal?
Nobb: Nobody knows anything yet. Look, I don't have time to talk to you, I gotta go. This cowboy puppy dog has got a lot of work to do. Officer Nobb, over and out.
(CUT TO: Meany and Sweetie again.)
Meany: Oh God, no. We're doing a furry story. That whole furry culture gives me the creeps... A bunch of sweaty fat guys dressing up like Daisy Duck so they can dry-hump.
Sweetie: Why does everybody pick on the furries? Sure, furries are weird and kinda gross. But so what? They're harmless.
Meany: Well, let's see what you think after you turn into some freaky cartoon animal creature.
Sweetie: Actually, I wouldn't mind being a mermaid or a sexy cat girl for a while. It sounds kind of cool. In fact, I think I can feel something happening... Yes, something is definitely happening. I'm changing...
(Offscreen, Sweetie changes.)
Meany: Well...You were right. This IS really cool.
(We see that Sweetie is now a cow from the waist down.)
Meany: So, who's a pretty little moo-moo cow? I think I'll barbecue you, and have you with curly fries.
Sweetie: Go eat a fish hook and die.